Diets, do they work? Nah, don't even think about it. Nowhere near. They're ridiculous. I've not actually been on one, more that I've been selective about what to eat and what not to, than anything else. But the stories that I keep hearing about people falling off the diet wagon are as suitable for me as for them. Three weeks ago, I decided to stop eating chocolate. Pretty easy to do, like any on / off addict, I knew I could do it simply because I had done it before. You can read my history as a chocolate fiend in that one sentence.

The devil never leaves you, regardless of hard you renounce him. All the time, it's been there, the back of my mind: sometimes self congratulation, "gone so long, what a boy"; occasionally, leering at me with the "come on, you know you what to" smirk.

Anyway tonight, after the gym, it's always after the gym, my weakest time (I could, I suppose, pin the fall on exercise), I wandered into the local corner shop, fifty pence on the counter, and that's it. End of embargo. The lucky bar, the chosen one knew what to say, the old sweet talk: "where have you been all this time? we've missed you" Indeed, where have I been. Diets, food restrictions, call them what you want, they don't work, that's the common thread through all of them. I accept the necessity for them in certain specified cases, and these are inevitably medical, allergies or toxic reactions. But in general, no, they don't work; simply accentuates the hunger. Forbidden fruits always, but always, taste sweeter.

As for me, all I have to keep doing is walk on the right side of the line. Stay moderate, not sink back into the bad habits of four, five bar a day excess.