I have to fly tomorrow. I love flying, except for turbulence when I'm sweatily clutching the seat and desperately telling myself that all that's actually happening is that this is the aerial equivalent of driving over cobblestones.

It's the preflight part that chafes. The airport I'm returning from on Friday delights in calling me out for a randomised bag check (how it can be random if I'm chosen every time I'm there defeats me). It's not yet reached the stage of me having to strip to my boxers (always clean...may live on my own, but this boy maintains standards) and lay on the convoyer belt as it takes me through the x-ray machine...but it can't be long.