Shoes to be shined.. but don't cross your feet so high that the worn soles show, though. Find the best pair of half way decent jeans, and squeeze those stubborn creases and wrinkles out before the iron whimpers and says enough.

Shirt or sweater ? And are any of them clean ?

Shave, yes, can't forget that I get five o'clock shadow, but at nine in the morning. Fingernails...bitten to the quick so no worries there. Stray hairs, no, not on my head where they ought to be, but to the dark places they've all fled to - nose, ears.... prune back, be merciless.

Have I got a coat...no...sorry...have I got anything that could actually pass as a coat...

What can I pull together from the floor and chairs that do for the wardrobe I should have - and do, just that it's packed top to toe with books - that'll make me appear even semi well dressed ?