The dedication of London Underground to tell passengers on how the network is running is like that of nurses minstering to sick children; every sniff, every cough that happens, we're told about it repeatedly. No need to ask. Simply wait a few seconds for the message to loop back and play again. It's white noise. I hear it, but I don't hear it, but I do when I want to do something like read then I can't stop listening to it.

Don't get me wrong, meticulous explication is infinitely better than we had during the Thatcher years; then I spent hours, lifetimes waiting forlornly for tube trains that never came along, or silently sweating in a crowded train clueless as to why it had slithered to a halt ten minutes ago.

In that respect, we've moved from the shadows and into the sunshine; these days I know everything that's going on even if it's on a line I've scarcely ever used. Why is it always signal delays though? Can't we have something more novel, more original, just for once. Not something horrid, no, not at all, just something different, quirky, pleasant: how about train to Latimer Road held up by spontaneous orgy breaking out, something like that...