I'm adapting something I heard David Sedaris say during the question period of his appearance at Piccadilly Waterstones this evening. It was actually a joke he made about his home country, but it suits the UK to a tee. Unfortunately.

Here we go: one in three English people weighs the same as the other two. It's true too; we are the fattest nation in Europe, according to the results of a survey released this morning. What an awful accolade.