My first job after University was a tough one. I worked as a junior manager for a minor fast food company. It had n’t been my first choice, or second, or even third. If I had been pressed, I could n’t have given any answer as to what it was I actually wanted to do in the World of Work. I just simply did n’t know.
There are two opposing default states when you're young. This statement, incidentally, is culled from being in that state at one time, then, latterly, observations. It's either an almost God-like sense of invulnerability, or good old fashioned introspection. Me? I leaned to the latter; a doubtful self esteem hung alongside me from time to time. There were moments when I’d wonder morbidly whether there really was anything I could do. Did I actually have no skills, no obvious aptitudes for anything ?
How, on the other hand, do you rate conviction? If there were times when I felt utterly aimless, there were longer periods of when I knew exactly what I wanted, just it was n't to work. Something far nobler - I was going to write. That powered my thoughts, coloured my ideas persistently. I was going to be a writer, no matter what. I dined on that daily and threw it out to others whenever someone asked. Whether people simply humoured me, or did believe me, it became my signature. I was Archimedes.... the writer.
I told anyone who bothered to listen that not only did it not matter what I did, I also did n’t care. I knew about earnestness but not about presumption. In my scheme of things all I needed was time...and money. The nature of work had no significance
Today, there's bills, a mortgage, tax demands, and yes, work is most definitely significant.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
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2 comments:
But aren't you a writer?
All that really matters in the end, I think, is to be useful...
That, and being happy. Neither are easy at times, but worth aspiring to nevertheless
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