Instead of being kept awake for most of the night by nearby house parties as I was into the small hours of this morning, I've decided to do this the next time: going to get dressed, grab a couple of my favourite CDs, wander over, and invite myself in.

I'm up to here with House, Ibiza party tunes, and trashy euro-disco; time for real music, music I like for a change. So when I come in, hand over the earphones to me, DJ, because my tunes are going on the CD player. I want my kinda music humming across the garden fences, pulsating through walls. I tell you people, you'd better enjoy old time music, and there's just going to have be someone who likes Leonard Cohen...