I've never yearned for kids. It's not because I'm an only child; after all, innumerable only children have troops of kids. I don't know why. The longing has never been there. Perhaps I'm simply missing the parenting gene. Looks like the father marker got left out of the design specs in my case.

But that does n't mean I lack sympathy for anyone who is a parent. Those of my friends who are parents, whether it's in the first flush of parenting, or with those approaching the Scylla and Charybdis of kids in adolescence, they all get my utter admiration, my total respect. Watching their children change and grow over time, I see a concomitant transformation in them too. In the beginning it's abrupt, overnight, where they shed ego completely, with no thought of themselves any longer. It's a beautiful selflessness. Perfect. Whereas before birth, they might well have been utterly self-absorbed and led by ego, now it's resposnsibility and care, great care.

There are many who want to be in the same position, who themselves ache to be mothers or fathers, who want to take on the same burden of joy. When is it going to happen, and will it ever for some. Only a heart of stone could n't be moved. No ache can be shared, they can be discussed certainly, but one where it's an instinct that seems beyond fulfillment, must be almost unendurable. Explain how that must feel. I can't. There's no vocabulary to catch it.

This is an effect with, to me at least, a lot of causes. Three broad groupings though. Women let down by men. Simple. We've promised, never delivered. Second, biology, male and female. Finally, pernicious scare mongering, by the press mainly, on the lines of, as soon as a woman gets to X years, her fertility has dropped by Y %; or that it is not just damaging, but actually outrageous, for a woman to want motherhood and a career. That's such an intimidating assertion. It's completely unfair. It's monolithic belief.

Things are always more complex than the press want us to know. Bear in mind this, in complexity, there's actually hope. Take inspiration from this article by Annalisa Barbieri in today's Guardian.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/story/0,,1804814,00.html