Jeremy Clarkson and Stuart Maconie both have bees buzzing in their bonnets about high visibility vests: Clarkie's lip turns up since he thinks they're nanny state, PC, etc, etc - everything you might imagine would raise his ire basically; Maconie, on the other hand, or at least from what I've inferred from his Radio 2 evening programme, reckons they've become more invasive than kudzu vine or grey squirrels - they're everywhere and no one knows why.

Me, I can live with high visibility vests. See them so often now that I don't see them - the visual equivalent of background noise. It's tattoos that set my teeth on edge.

The pain, and surely there is, of that raw, red, inflamed slice of skin impregnated with ink. I knew someone who had their back tattooed a few hours before they returned to the UK from Las Vegas; ten or so hours of exquisite agony sitting bolt upright too terrified to lean back against the airline seat. Why?

And it does n't go away. Once tattooed, it stays; the ink will fade and skin shrivel, but it does n't go, even the high tech surgical sandblasting leaves an indelible imprint behind. A high visibility vest is for the moment, and a tattoo, yup, it's for life. So why do people do it, inflict a whirring needle staining their epidermis ?

Someone I know: a fine gazelle of a woman, spiritually centred, supple as a new born through years and years of yoga, holistic, organic, and on the right side of New Age (an enthusiast, not a zealot), has had one. It's not a delicate, tiny rose, or sprightly dolphin, coyly hidden away either, it's huge; from shoulder to elbow, something a sailor overwhelmed by drink might have done on shore leave. A swirling mythological character writhing down her arm. I don't actually know what character it is - I have real difficulty looking at tattoos. Why would she do this to herself, why would anyone? I can't, however ever hard I struggle, rationalise this. I just can't.

I can understand - just - the notion of wanting to visibly pledge allegiance to something, but inject yourself full of ink...why? I'd rather wear a teeshirt, or a high visibility vest. At least you can take it off.